Extra extra wrong

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been addicted to Extra brand chewing gum of the peppermint (or "light blue" as I like to call it) variety. Friends and family can reliably expect that if they ask for a piece of gum, I’ll have it, and it will be light blue Extra. When possible, I buy the vendor 12-packs.

Lately, though, I haven’t had a chance to pick up a multi-pack and have run out. This happened earlier this week at work, and I thought, I’ll go peruse the offerings in the micro-kitchen.

Unfortunately for me, nobody else makes a good peppermint, and Trident’s and Orbit’s other minty (of the spear and winter variety) gums don’t do it for me. So I thought I’d check out Orbit’s "bubblemint" flavor.

I was immediately transported back to the dugout at John Gomes Elementary School, where I participated in little league baseball for several years. The gum back then was either Bazooka Joe (motto: “Now less chewy!”) or Big League Chew (“When you can’t smoke bubblegum cigarettes, chew!”)

At first, it was exciting. As I did back in my ball-playing days, I threw several pieces in my mouth at once. "Go big or go home," that's what I always say. (Not really.)

As I chewed and took in the sweet flavor, memories of baseball days started coming back to me: being pretty far back in the hitting lineup, not being able to hit the 'cutoff man,' generally being a detriment to the team.

The gum wad grew larger. The taste got sweeter -- sickeningly sweet, in fact. The still-young pink glob of gum went into the trash, along with my memories of sports failure.

This, friends, is why I play guitar and chew peppermint Extra.